On parenting, drugs, alcohol and moral panics.. please discuss!

Call me an old hippy, and no, I’m not old enough to have been at Woodstock, but watching the movie ‘Taking Woodstock’ triggered musings and reminiscences about drugs and life in general. Yesterday in the Sydney Morning Herald, Duncan Fine wrote an excellent piece on talking to younger kids about drugs (Duncan Fine SMH 19.12.09), which prompted me to finish this blog post which I started some time ago.

I’ve also been thinking about the ‘binge drinking epidemic’ which is (apparently) gripping our nation and wondering if things were really so different when we were young. My observations, hardly scientific, lead me to speculate that if anything has changed, it’s the group determination of some (and only some) to keep drinking until comatose and the lack of genuine fun and enjoyment that seems to accompany this kind of drinking. Although of course there were always individuals who drank in this way, it certainly appears to be more widespread.

Interestingly, the (reported) rise in this joyless binge drinking has been paralleled by the ‘war on drugs’, the push towards sexual abstinence and the rising power of conservative churches in the US, and a general (if not as pronounced) shift towards social conservatism throughout the last decade and a half here in Australia. I am also convinced there is a direct link between the rise in binge drinking, the demise of live music in pubs and venues and the proliferation of soulless pubs and dance music. However I’ll save that train of thought to pursue another day.

So what (if this is true) does this say about our current situation vis-a-vis, drugs, alcohol and other ‘risky’ behaviours? Does it speak to the interests and lives of young adults? Or does it draw attention to policy or social deficits? Should more be ‘done’ or, are we doing too much?

The rising tide of uninformed judgemental statement masquerading as opinion, Government policy or, heaven help us, journalism is driving us ever closer to a dangerous situation in which we view our world and each other, through a simplistic black and white lens: right/wrong, good/evil, legal/illegal, moral/immoral. The glorious individual, with all our infinite variations, is being submerged along with the nuances and vagaries of life. Civil liberties, the rights and responsibilities of the individual and the community and the interplay between media, politics and law and order are topics which have become increasingly less nuanced and more ‘dumbed down’. Issues around the use and abuse of drugs and alcohol are a prime example of this, with the ‘debate’ reduced to statements & slogans, competing interests fighting for limited funding and unimaginative policy changes, all in the context of a broader national attitude towards alcohol that has long singled us out in the eyes of the world.

The very fact that ‘alcohol’ is somehow always separated from ‘drugs’ in general use and in debate speaks volumes. Alcohol is, by any definition, a drug and its legal status by no means infers that it is safer or should be more widely consumed or viewed with more or less approval than ‘other drugs’.

My personal stance on drugs of all kinds involves no consideration of ‘morality’ or socially or legally constructed ‘harm’ or ‘risk’. Like many other things to which the term is applied with abandon, I refuse to accept the inherently lazy assumption that a substance (or person or activity for that matter) is ‘evil’ or ‘immoral’ and to be legislated against for our own protection. This broad-brush painting by media and policy makers is, in my opinion, counter-productive as it removes the responsibility for each adult to be fully informed about what they consume and to consider their own physical, genetic and psychological makeup and current state of mind before consuming anything – be it food, drugs, religion, the internet or fashion.

So let’s get a few facts straight from the beginning; drugs are (sometimes but not always) fun, can make you feel good, can ease pain, reduce shyness, counter tiredness and induce flights of creativity. As Aldous Huxley pointed out, drugs can open the ‘doors of perception’. Like almost anything else, drug abuse also carries risk and is potentially dangerous and some individuals are inherently more vulnerable to these dangers than others. Some drugs and some people don’t mix and some people should never use any drugs, the important thing is to know yourself and know your friends as individuals as well as being fully informed about the various drugs available. Acknowledging, allowing and valuing the individual rather than applying ‘rules’ is what will ultimately save lives and minds.

On the ABC program Q&A some time ago, politician Sophie Mirabella displayed a breathtaking lack of perspective and knowledge when she stated that sending a 15 year old girl to sail solo round the world was ‘better’ than her ‘going to raves and taking e’s’.. hmmm.. I’m no actuary Sophie – but I wouldn’t put money on those odds. Her silly statement is however symptomatic of a society which glorifies sporting heroes and conformity above all else. We are apparently free to climb mountains, give all our money to a church, walk the Kokoda track until our hearts burst, gamble our life savings away, drive cars, play contact sports, take up big wave surfing or snowboarding and indulge in all manner of risky behaviours. As with drug use, a minority of people who do all these things and more, including simply getting out of bed in the morning, will come to grief as a result, so what’s the difference? Anyone? Sophie?

Personally, I am not a big drinker – never have been. I don’t dislike it, I enjoy a glass of good wine or an expensive shot of vodka or tequila, but being drunk is not a sensation that I feel comfortable with, similarly, I have never been a great lover of ‘party drugs’ or pills. Pot is my drug of choice, frankly – I love it and I’ve loved it since the day I first tried it. I don’t indulge much these days as I like to have a clear head for work and when I do I hunt down organically grown bush leaf as I dislike the ‘new’ hydroponically grown pot. I went through a brief and glorious psychedelic phase in my 20s, and fortunately came through it unscathed and with some incredible memories and experiences. Once freed from parenting and work commitments I definitely plan some further exploration of those wilder regions of my mind! Working in the music industry in the 80s brought me into unavoidable contact with as much free coke and speed as I wanted – neither of which I particularly enjoyed, but which sometimes came in handy for the long sleepless hours of standing up at gigs and going to work the next day.

I am, I must admit, blessed with a complete inability to become addicted to anything past a short term obsession – and perhaps this colours my thinking on the issue too much? I am aware that some, for whatever reason, do not have freedom of choice when it comes to a range of possibly addictive pursuits – drug taking being only one among many. Banning risky and addictive activities will not prevent death or accident, once we start on that road where do we stop? I would hazard a guess that for practically every activity known to man someone somewhere is addicted to it, and that most – no matter how seemingly innocuous – have resulted in the death of at least one person or the destruction of a life.

Some of the best times I have ever had have been under the influence of drugs, my memories of my wild years (20s, early 30s) involve alcohol, and a lot of other drugs besides, but (and here I could be wearing rosy coloured reverse spectacles). I can’t remember that we indulged to excess because we were bored, or had nothing to do or nothing to say to each other, or even because everyone else was doing it. My memories of my twenties and early thirties are that alcohol and drugs simply allowed us to take ourselves to the edge and experience highs and sometimes low far more intensely than we would have done otherwise. There were some, of course, who lived like that without chemical assistance and others who, sadly, took the path to ultimate self destruction.

As a parent now, I terrify myself to some extent when I think back – and I’m sure many will find it appalling for me to ‘glorify’ drugs and alcohol. But I can’t deny that some of my best memories (and this is crucial, being unable to remember what you did means you’ve gone too far) come from those times when we drew a line between straight, sober and sensible and completely written off and managed to sustain that delicate balance over a night or even days. These memories involve different people, different countries and different events, but each made me more aware of myself and the world around me.

The Lost Weekend is, of course, a brilliant Billy Wilder film that chronicles 4 days in the life of a chronic alcoholic. Alcohol and drugs, like marathon running and plastic surgery are not for everyone and for some, for whatever reason, pose the threat of addiction and self destruction. Salutory though the movie is, and horrible as alcoholism is (and as one who has been closely associated with it I speak from experience) the lost weekends of my memories are a different thing altogether; there are times in one’s life when events, circumstances, places and people come together and your life takes flight in unexpected and exhilarating ways. Often, these times were enabled or intensified by drugs, and although we sometimes took risks and placed ourselves in danger, I would not have missed a moment.

So as the parent of a teenager where the hell does that leave me when it comes to dealing with and discussing his inevitable and apparently constant exposure to drugs? As I said, I refuse to simply state that they are ‘bad’ or ‘evil’ or ‘dangerous’ and I am not enough of a hypocrite to pretend I have no experience of such matters. On the other hand, I am not a fan of parents who regale their kids with all the details of their past exploits, give them alcohol, share a joint with them, or condone teenage drinking and drug taking. The fact that we may have done things as teenagers does not make us hypocritical when we tell our own children not to do the same things, and allowing them to say that is a cop out. We didn’t know smoking was bad, we didn’t wear seatbelts as kids and our mothers drank while they were pregnant. Time and science advance, thank heavens!

Surprising though it may seem, I firmly believe that the weight of scientific evidence and research over the last 30 years clearly indicates that for many reasons young people should not use any drugs, at all, until they are at least 18. So the first thing I try to discuss and to get him to read and research is the science, his brain and body are precious and growing – and he only has one of each.

Most importantly though, I try to draw a distinction between pushing boundaries as a young adult or adult, and pushing them as a teenager. Self knowledge, confidence, mental stability and an innate sense of self preservation are all essential if one is to walk on the wild side and of course teenagers are in the process of developing these attributes. If those essential qualities aren’t developed and nurtured, if the arts of friendship, conversation, argument, debate, seduction, flirting and partying are never mastered straight and sober – then how can a young person grow to be a complete adult?

These are the conversations I try to sustain with my son and his friends, and at the end of the day you have to have confidence in your parenting and in your kid. You can’t restrict their every movement, I know some of his mates drink and smoke pot and I know he’s tried it. I’ve never seen him drunk – and he, and some of his friends tell me they are fed up with some mates and particularly some girls ‘having to’ get drunk every weekend (at 15!!!!). Being 15 is tough, girls are scary, boys don’t talk, parents are foreign and you are under enormous pressure at school and in life. If you can resist the urge to use drugs to get you through those years, surely your defences and inner strength will be so much greater as an adult?

What worries me is that there are 20 something year olds out there now (and I have met some) who appear unable to function socially unless they are drunk, who are unable or afraid to talk to the opposite sex, hold an intelligent conversation or have a good night out without drugs of some kind. When you’ve been getting drunk or out of it every weekend throughout your crucial teenage years it’s not surprising that you don’t progress past the social ineptness of the average 15 year old. Sadly, some of my son’s friends already have their feet on this path and fortunately some are already resisting.

The 20 somethings I see at the races, or clubbing in Kings Cross seem lost and somehow lonely, although they are always in large loud groups. They go to places where conversation is virtually impossible, they work ridiculous hours and apparently earn huge amounts of money, yet seem somehow empty and unhappy. Despite dressing like junior hookers, casual sex seems to many young women to be a drunken affair to be regretted rather than the exciting and sensual exploration of boundaries it has the potential to be between grownups. An innate political and social conservatism (they are the product of the last 20 years after all!) means that marriage, mortgages, sport and making money take priority – and perhaps this pressure is at the core of the empty kind of drugging and drinking to oblivion I referred to earlier?

As I’ve said in other posts, I meet many many young adults who are not like this at all – far from it, but I doubt these are the people around whom the moral panic about alcohol abuse is revolving. Answers? I don’t know. Despite doing all the research I possibly can, I don’t even know if I’m correct in my observations or in my parenting strategies (another opinion to add to the mix). I could yet be proved horribly wrong, but I do know that as parents we need to have these discussions between ourselves and have them often, as clearly the government and policy makers have even less of a clue than us.