Music and sex, sex and music, it seems to be a preoccupation at the moment, but hey, spring is in the air. I’ve had a few conversations with lovely young men lately about young women, and how to approach them with a view to enjoying a night or so of good times, without necessarily wanting to settle down into a relationship. So here, with a grain of salt, are my entirely unscientific tips for young straight blokes on how to use music to, shall we say, loosen things up a little.
Its pretty personal stuff I know, and everyone is of course different. I’m sure there are girls out there who swoon at the first notes of a Snoop Dogg or Lady Ga Ga ditty or daydream of making sweet love to the sounds of Pete Murray. This little blog is not for them or the boys who want them, it’s about a woman worth pursuing, a man who’s man enough for her, and a night to remember.
Men are apparently afraid to express themselves with women, confused about what women want and the signals they give out, and unsure how to be an evolved young man who is respectful of women while still getting laid (to put it bluntly). Despite a rather lamentable trend towards the straight and narrow in young women these days, not all of them want a boyfriend, and not all women view a night of great sex with a nice bloke on a level playing field (or a bed) as a promise of marriage (sorry Beyonce, I find you old fashioned and rather pathetic in your assumption that women want a ‘ring on it’, especially when you take enormous pains to present yourself and your glorious body in voyeuristic videos that border on soft porn). The bottom line should always be a mutual respect and openness about just what to expect. Tricking a romantic girl into the sack with promises of eternal love is just as wrong as expecting an offer of marriage in return for ‘giving yourself to a man’.
So if you’re a tongue tied music loving young bloke, speak through the music. If you’re into someone in a big way and have some time for planning, the mixed tape (or CD these days) is your missive d’amore. Burn that girl something that will make her burn, give her a slow buildup of tracks, tease her a little with something witty, flirt a bit, show her a little about yourself, make her laugh, make her dance around the room, make her pick the phone up at the end of the CD or better still knock on your door. If you’re in a spur of the moment situation with someone you’ve just met, talk about your favourite music and play it if you can, hijack the party music, put a CD on or play a track on the jukebox (yes, I know, it conjures images of Garth and the ‘Foxy Lady’ in Wayne’s World for me too, but you can move past that if you concentrate), give her your ipod headphones to listen to that certain track (and keep hold of the ipod so you have to stand close and lean in just a little – if she leans away, move on).
What to leave out of the tape or off the stereo? Ballads: too namby pamby, too ‘I want a long term relationship’, too manipulative – save them for your wedding. A 13 year old dreaming of a big white wedding dress goes tingly all over for a pretty boy crooning sweetly, but let’s hope for more reasons than one that the girl you’re after has grown out of that phase. Misogynistic rubbish of the kind peddled by some ‘rap’ or ‘hip hop’ artists; a woman who is turned on by those attitudes is a woman with problems – and you don’t want to be involving yourself with that; ditto for racist or homophobic music or songs about guns, war or violence.
Rule number one, play her music that you genuinely love. Passion about anything is a turn on, an indicator that more passion bubbles beneath, and if she likes the music you like there’s a good chance you’ll like each other. Meaningful music is great, as long as it is genuinely meaningful to you and not soppy and manipulative. Sharing a song that reminds you of a lost friend or great times reveals something of yourself – and that is sexy. Sharing a song that reminds you of your mother or your ex girlfriend, or which expresses stalkerish sentiments similar to Elvis Costello’s ‘I want you’ is not so sexy. Perhaps leave the political anthems out of the mix, unless the girl that gets you hot is manning a barricade beside you, in which case crank up the Internationale and impress her by knowing the lyrics in French and English.
As a general rule the rhythm section is your friend. Yes boys, it’s as obvious as that. Rhythm, bass, drums, pounding – get the message? Take it from that scrawny little sex machine Prince, it’s all about the rhythm and those low, dirty notes. Bearing that in mind, some funk would be a good inclusion. Perhaps George Clinton is a little out there unless you’re sure she ‘gets’ it, in which case she’s probably up for a wild old time; maybe some vintage Prince, Isaac Hayes or Curtis Mayfield, some Chilli Peppers or RATM.
Don’t be afraid to go right to the heart of the matter, some songs about sex are as sexy as hell, and men who can talk about sex in the right way generally have a pretty good idea of how to go about it. An entire playlist of songs about sex crosses the creepy line, but after you’ve laid down a good intro that tells her you’re a smart, funny interesting guy, bring it on.
Most women, if they already like the guy, will respond to an upfront confident proposal for sex rather than a sideways sneaking up approach. For me, the sexiest song, the one that really gets me, is NIN’s Closer. It’s explicit and far from romantic, but the juxtaposition of the lines ‘I want to fuck you like an animal’ and ‘you bring me closer to God’ is all but irresistible; the song is all about the woman and her power but it doesn’t set her up as a goddess (another slightly creepy turnoff). James Brown’s Sex Machine, on the other hand, I find a little too ‘I’m a great lover and I’ll show you a great time’, a line which only appeals to certain types of simple girls and which can only lead to trouble.
In general, if you’re headbangers, stay away from technical geeky music, Norwegian death metal and overblown hair metal and steer towards something more melodic, uncontrolled and elemental with a vocalist who puts it all out there or instrumentals that move along and have a strong melodic thread. As a final caveat and word of warning, it’s a truth universally assumed that men who can dance well can also fuck well, so if you can move then do so by all means. But if you can’t, then under no circumstances put yourself in a situation where the opportunity to dance may arise or your quest will be doomed before it begins.
Filed under: music
I'm all about the cheesy ballads.
Absolutely true. All of it.